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So it isn’t about in front of whom you sit but how does sitting in front of that “whom”makes you feel.He was 65 feet tall and I at best measure 160 cm. He sat in meditative pose with closed eyes and peaceful as if nothing touches him. Not even death.
They call him Mritunjay…. conqueror of Death.And here I was touched by death for the very first time at the age of 26 in life all raw and bleeding. I was forced to sit too , cross-legged and amidst the Shiva chants one can do nothing but stare at the huge statue in awe of its beauty.
The statue would keep changing colors bathed in different hues of light and something would shift. I was in such pain then tears would automatically flow unhindered till I could cry no more. There was no drama attached pure, unadulterated flowing pain.
It was like the statue in front of me had magical power to extract the sorrow from the deepest crevice in my heart.The statue assured me of nothing, said nothing, promised nothing , refused nothing.I could ask anything only to come back and seek answers within me. I had disconnected from the outside world who seemed to neither have the patience nor time for what was the deepest quest into ” the purpose of my life “. I was constantly at war within unable to understand why I was forced to live in such pain, sadness and the heaviness of it all.
A disappointed life …yet LIFE.
In retrospect I think just going in front of that “deaf -mute” idol as a fortnight ritual late at night on Airport road in Bangalore was where my purpose got born.
My only purpose was to understand my existance not from my head but by living it everyday and wriggling and shifting.The Lord had not called me to give his “Gyan’ … knowledge and wisdom but he had beckoned me to live it by making it experiential. There hasn’t been a day ever since then when I am not living that which needs to be lived through me . “Even pain needs to survive,
It is in the understanding of our pain we can relate to the pain that exits in the others.”
And you come to an understanding that to begin this journey something/ someone around has to die.Harsh and ruthless as it may be the experience is handed over to you so that you can learn the art of SURRENDER Surrender is best when there is no illusion of how big you are. Flat on the ground knocked out of your breath smelling the earth. Breathing from that space like an earthworm and feeling like one.He observes sitting tall at 65 foot watching you take steps shedding your illusions about life so that one learns to see the truth. Death of the false in you !
He waits for you to discover over years how Satyam Shivam Sundaram ….how truth alone is beautiful. Truth of life which is not about it being rosy.
That’s when you awaken.
That’s when the chakras begin to rotate with friction.
That’s when your energy starts shifting .
Grief is nothing but a sacred journey of your own till you and the “Mritunjay” ( conqueror of death- Shiva) have become one in understanding of truth.
He gives you that moment of understanding how one grows in his/ her own presence and stops feeling miniscule from experiences of life no matter what they are but rising up to the occasion, embracing it all so that questions about life and death become irrelevant and you begin to ask ” How I can evolve and keep evolving in life and beyond death .
Mahamrityunjay Mantra is a sacred Hindu chant that has a deep spiritual meaning which means :
We worship the three eyed one( Lord shiva) who is fragrant and who nourishes well all beings. May he liberate us from death for the sake of immortality even as the cucumber is severed from its bondage ( to the creeper) .
