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The war begins and you are here to battle with the strongest heavyweight enemy. GRIEF. He is well equipped with weapons that he will be sending in your direction. His arsenal is PAIN loaded as cannonballs of all shapes and sizes. The days you become capable to dodge his cannonballs which will blow you bit by bit into pieces, he will throw the marble pellets so that you can slip over them and fall on non-suspecting days. He shoots arrows of insecurity, loneliness, helplessness, shame, guilt, uncertainty, loneliness, yearning, anger and when you just about have felt them all he will bring more. He is loaded and he ain’t falling. The enemy is grief. If you don’t fight back it will be sitting on your chest pinning you down and then it will throttle till you feel suffocated. when you know you are dying that’s the day you will shift and push him away!. The enemy is Grief and we have to deal with him smart for the dark enemy is stronger, heavy and is determined not to lose.
Know thy enemy, know his arsenal.
There is no perfect time of death. Whenever it happens in whichever manner it is perfect. There is no human expertise available to evade from it. There is nothing under our control at any point of time anyway. Accept it. Even if delayed in case of those who are diseased, be thankful for the times that you got to serve them. If you could not be there, you could not. Learn to understand the guilt. Drop it. The great times in life may have passed too soon but they are the most pleasurable memories. Soak in them. Bring them on, play them on a loop. Walk down a cozy happy memory lane.
If you want to drive yourself crazy do that with complete devotion and respect. Don’t feel grief in pieces and percentages over many years as it exhausts and drains. Learn to feel grief fully. There are days you will be dysfunctional and that’s okay. Surrender what you cannot control.
Separation from loved ones is painful but pain makes you cry, it cannot kill. Do not be afraid of pain. Befriend him. It will build up your resilience that you had no clue existed. Remember we came alone and we go alone. There is loneliness undoubtedly but learn ways to dissipate it by making yourself available to company. Keep good company, keep yours. When tired Meet your friends and family make sure they are the cheery ones. Have them in big numbers. Your most comfy friends may be busy the day you are most down. Don’t hold them responsible. You are responsible for your own happiness. Find ways to be happy with them, without them. Pick your Happiness tools every day to create joy. When one tool is unavailable switch to another. Connect to joy. Joy is a great company.
Eat well and look after your body. When you fall, more will fall along with you especially the ones you care about. If you feel pain anywhere in the body figure out exactly where? Your head, eyes, temples, neck, shoulders, arms, heart, belly, legs, back, womb, skin, hair all have memory. They will react. Understand your body patterns of pain and disturbances. Trust in the body wisdom. It knows. Release heavy emotions by feeling them and then say good bye whenever. Medicines provide temporary relief, to tide over, for permanent measures try something else therapy for instance whatever works.
Connect to nature elements. The plant and animal kingdom, the space, the water bodies, the sun -moon-earth. Observe the birds, bees and flowers. Nature is calming and full of life. If nothing is interesting Just take a walk. Walk often. Run somedays, Feel your heartbeat race and the air.
There will be U -turns and narrow lanes in life with extra responsibilities. Remember we are all capable people. Learn to ask for help unashamedly from the people you trust. Help often arrives.
Voids in life are good irrespective of sacrifices that you have made, feel good about them and fill the deepest voids with self-love, appreciation and consideration. Don’t be hard on yourself and permit yourself to feel better. Once you do repeat it often.
Learn forgiveness of self, others, situations, and events. Forgive the past. Visit it at times and remove clutter and clean the smelly corners. Learn to drop judgements about people in general.
Best expectation are the ones you have from yourself. Let your partner off the hook. He/She isn’t grieving, you are. Be grateful that one of you is doing good.
Forgive those who played part in dynamics that were painful. Without the help of these souls, you would not have been tamed. Bless them. Mahabharat would never be as interesting unless there was a Duryodhana. We still love the epic. Learn to love Duryodhana he is only a character.
Laugh silly, crack jokes and play pranks ease out and loosen up. Don’t let the child in you die. Be childlike.
If you love food cook, eat or feed.
Sing even if you are the worst “Bathroom Kumar “, learn oodiyoooooooh. Dance. Music is healing. Try crazy art draw your life puzzle. Solve it now.
Talk till you appreciate your own need of silence. Be silent. Talk again. Learn balance.
Tears are good. Don’t wipe, stop or hide. There is no shame in crying. All best super-heroes have good hearts that hurt and feel.
Let the issues in the past remain in the past. They belong there. Start fresh. Create a better now.
Stop explaining why you feel the way you do. To yourself and others. Feeling are temporary visitors. Allow them to come and go minus the explanations.
Responsibility even if untimely only transforms you into a better, stronger empowered you. BE YOU. Learn to carry them and don’t grumble. Honor your burden and be thankful to those who carried it for you before you.
Dreams and desires are good. Make them happen. Someone has to live them.
Their never will be a day when you are unsupported. Be your best anchor.
Hug people that you like to hug. They are best immunity boosters.
Connect to people. People are nice. Trust them and believe in goodness. You will see it then more often.
Hold hands of those in similar situation. Develop empathy. Be compassionate. World needs more hand holding than discipline and less learned behaviors.
GRIEF IS AS SACRED AS LOVE. It shows you how capable you are of loving another. Don’t keep it shallow. Drink from it
Develop a hobby, stick to it and when bored find a replacement.
Handle triggers well. They are only to teach a lesson and polish. Practice response than reaction. Bring more peace in your life by being peaceful. Steer clear of conflict zones and those who create them. Guard your energy space.
Meditate and breathe often. Let the Prana flow.
Hang around with people who inspire, motivate, support, encourage, guide and are passionate. Find your tribe.
Establish boundaries and practice them.
Drop the loser and victim in you. They are bad twins. Recognize your gifts and skills that will propel you forward. Polish them. Develop more skills. Keep learning.
Drop the burden some days. Do nothing or simply sleep. Just be.
Observe your mind. You can not escape your thoughts; they will surface and resurface. Learn to think right.
Indulge in self care and a little selfishness by taking out me time.
Connect to the knowledge that is available. In people, books, multimedia. develop your own spiritual style. Divine grace is all around, ask for it, align to it and see the magic flow. Believe in the charm of magic.
Have faith and patience.
Practice gratitude.
Say nice things to yourself about yourself. Be nice. Love yourself on the days when it is hardest to love you. If you cannot love yourself nobody else can.
Grief can only destroy you only if you allow. The day we are born we begin to die. I understood these facts in my own time but loaded with my own arsenal and wisdom along the way I can simply say what I said yesterday.
ज़िन्दगी ज़ालिम है तू, फिर भी कातिल है तू,
ज़हर की नदी है तू, फिर भी कीमती है तू,
पस्त हौसले वाले तेरा साथ क्या देंगे,ज़िन्दगी करीब आजा,तुझे हम गुजारेंगे।
(Dear Life …I know you test me thoroughly, you kill me softly, at times you are like a river of poison but you are so precious. The less daring will not flow with you ,come close Oh dear life! Let me live you.)
