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He loved to call us home. A home that no longer exists as I have seen it being demolished, reduced to rubble and abandoned by those for whom it was created with such love.
It ain’t their fault.
I have stayed angry inside thinking it was!
It is difficult to accept loss. We need scapegoats even when we ourselves are in denial or unable to take the ” destruction ” all in.
They should have taken more responsibility but they didn’t.
They couldn’t.
Sometimes it ain’t necessary to have the same dreams that our parents had for us. Those who wanted the best for us. We partake in it for a while as long as they live.
Perhaps to avoid disappointing them.
We let it linger.
But when they go we couldn’t care less and the dream shatters.
The next generation is unable to hold on to the burden of the dream by the sheer weight of it all. For it asks them to show up.
One would rather wake up from the dream rudely but what got created in those years keeps haunting you.
Dreams leave imprints behind in haunting memories and one has to deal with the ghosts of the past. The discomfort remains if not the yearning. We manage to suppress one at cost of other.
Such is life.
I am glad the elderly couple didn’t leave me something tangible to remember. Thank God for that and those that might speculate what I shared with them. I wasn’t there for their riches or to be in their good books.
What they left was the lemon tree for everyone !
🌳 🍋
Some cut it.
Some stole from it.
Some took a sapling home to ensure the legacy remained.
Exactly like the sapling fashioned in the most favourable season and tended to carefully the sapling digs its root deeper to find its own ground. It is going to be three years soon and the growing young tree is waiting to grow like its parent tree. It is far from it but somewhat alike. The first lemon that fell from it still lacks the size, color, texture and fragrance of the older one but it has the potential and the seed inside.
Like a dream that could still be restored if one cares enough and ready to weather the storm.
While he gifted me with something that I could choose to keep, nurture and grow she left me with a candle which when burnt fully would melt and slowly disappear into the ethers as is a candle’s fate. It is not like she bought it for me but it came to me from the remnants of the ransacked house when demolished.
No one needs a candle when one has the chandeliers. I was surprised that she kept for nearly two decades without ever lighting it. I wish she could see what she carried but as they say the maximum darkness hides below the candle or Diya itself. At least I enjoyed its fragrance, melting and the light. It made me happy.
The tangible can always be collected, kept , enjoyed or destroyed but LIGHT remains limitless and indestructible even when there are no mortal remains.
Light remains of the beautiful souls they were.
I miss both of them for the light they carried which was perhaps even unseen by them. I loved to barge in their home without ever needing to announce myself or needing permissions. I had a way to their tender heart.
Funny that today as my young one arrived to celebrate the festival of lights the lemon was shed ( it’s first season) almost like a blessing welcoming her home. They both knew when to shed something of theirs when called. I have been able to shed too as I recall. Some of my grief perhaps , some pain as I smile looking at the new crop of lemon getting ready on my balcony flooded with Diwali lights.
#griefjourney #festival #griefandhealing #griefexpression #yearafteryear #RememberingWithLove #dr_gchauhanIndia
Date : 06/06/2025
