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We were just stuck with each other. I had to park the car few blocks away and walk further into the narrow by-lanes till I reached an open cramped small ground. The bare red brick laden backs of old buildings covered the view in all directions providing little shade from the unrelenting heat. The only clear visible space was the sky above. I was clearly lost and I could not locate the cubby hole office of my CA who still preferred working from there. It was unbearably hot ,stuffy and smelly.
He was resting in the shade provided by the shadow of the huge building. We just could not ignore each other anymore as I looked for some relief from the scorching heat. Ordinarily who would give a second look to a donkey ? A fluffy cute little shampooed , well-mannered dog being taken for a pee and a poop makes a prettier site .
I heard a “Hi ” !
I looked around .There was as no one around except the donkey .
A heavy “Hi “ again.
I said “Hi” reflexly this time I thought I was hallucinating. I could actually hear the donkey as he looked at me. We were communicating by some divine language at that moment.He acknowledged me and showed me his large teeth as if trying to make me feel a little comfortable . Clearly I was not. I have never talked to a donkey before. I could not help but notice his big large long floppy ears trying to keep the flies away.
So how come here? These narrow dingy lanes hardly have visitors, he said . And there is not even place for a small car leave aside a big lorry. We are the preferred animals here .Even horses get stuck here with loads because of overhanging wires and low cables because of their height.Yes I agree. It is rather uncomfortable here . How do you manage here donkey? Sorry I don’t know what else to call you? Do you have a name .
No no everybody calls me a “Gadha” You too can call me that only .Management !! Fancy words hmmm! You see my mother told me that’s this is my life and that’s where I will always be. So I do not think about managing or discomfort. The day I will entertain these ideas I will feel like complaining. As a foal I have seen her carrying heavy back loads of bricks, cement and construction material. Heavy as hell and I often wondered how did she do it so effortlessly ? Will that be my life too? She just needed to be loaded equally on both sides so that she could retain her balance and she was raring to go. Sometimes even run faster as best as she could when whipped. Load her a wee bit more and she would take even that . She taught me not to throw my weight around like the oxen or the horse. That’s just not our trait and we are humble workers. I stay doing what I am good at . If I crib then I will find everything around me so unpleasant than this life and load will really feel like a burden. And if what I do is a burden then I will lose the happiness in doing it ? Isn’t it ?
This was interesting and I felt something stirring inside me as he spoke . As humans we are so conditioned to complain and grumble about each and everything yet here I was learning an important lesson from a donkey. It was by completely accidental meeting him in cramped space as I waited for my assistant to get some papers from the CA’s office and he got lost in the maze of old buildings while I struggled to find a parking spot. The phone signal was weak and he was gone for more than half an hour I had no choice but to wait. It was not a place where I wanted to be stuck for long. I thanked God as I was not really living that humble creature’s life.
Perhaps a little warm for you in here, he continued.He was clearly a sensitive animal. Yes ! as I tried to hide my irritation. I am used to airy ,comfortable spaces which smell good and where I am not tied down. How do you survive here in this weather I asked?
What is weather when you have work to do? Why should summer, winter or rain make a difference? I get up before Kallu my master gets up. Kallu feeds me before I go for work and the bell he has tied to my neck tinkles and once we are both done we are ready for our business. He is a poor man. Myself and few of my family members are his only assets. He does not how to count . We go and stand at the labor chowk everyday seeking work. He guides me to places meant for that day where we carry loads. Many times he gets fleeced by the greedy contractor who wickedly calculates our worth for the labor of that day. He needs his margin . But Kallu is a satisfied man and I like that about him . We leave all that bitterness behind as the day gets over and Kallu rides me sometimes when he is too tired and sings . We return happy irrespective of what we earn and how the weather or the day was . Kallu is happy even those days when there is little work but the song isn’t as loud as when he gets good money. Some days he buys my Chaara (soft greener grass) and chaff the one that cows get fed. Otherwise it is usually the dry straw. As long as I have food to fill my belly I am okay. When there is no work or money he leaves us to graze in the fields. And you know what that’s is best part! The freedom to graze, stretch , roll over and move around. Do Denchoo Denchoo or Do nothing. Blissful . What about you ?
Oh! I am a Doctor.
OMG ! What an honor ?
Are not you the one they call and treat like a Bhagwaan? Wait for long hours to meet and see. No ! Please don’t call me that. It is very embarrassing for me to be on that pedestal every time especially these days when people pay and expect restoration of health and ailments which they themselves have never taken care of their entire lives. I wish I was Bhagwaan but I don’t want to be and I can’t return them what they have not preserved. So I face lot of dissatisfaction and lots of accusations and these days we even get beaten. I have to hear Ki “Kya gadhe jaisa Dr. hain, kuch akal hain ki nahin“
Kisne degree dee? Nakli hogi ? All that .
But then like you I just do my best at what I can. I am taught to serve so that’s what I try doing to the best of my capability. I try not to crib or complain either. Some days are very difficult because I have so much to bear . You see my biggest burden is that of responsibility , and availability for those who seek me in the hours of their need. I have to live up to their unrealistic expectation of me many times. I can never be God as they make me too be as long as things are right . If not then God help me! He gave me an acknowledging smile. I was wondering at my own unintended outburst that made me feel like him. Off all the people I found a donkey to say what was so uncharacteristic of me. All in all I met a nice creature, friendly and understanding.
I am sorry I should not have called you a “Gadha”.
I looked embarrassed.It is okay. I am comfortable accepting myself and being who I am .Don’t apologize. Mine is a donkey’s life after all! What else ? You sound interesting .
Oh I too toil endlessly like you most of the days, irrespective of the weather, pressed for time and occasions. Infect when the whole world celebrates I am on duty or attending to someone. And I too have learnt not to grumble and I have learnt to squeeze little breaks from my own schedule. Like you I like to do nothing somedays. Just look at the sky endlessly and be my stupid uncaring self laughing with my kids or friends.
It must be quite taxing ?
Yeah it is! Guess what we both have some interesting similarities. Just like your mom who needed balance at both sides to walk straight I have learnt to put people’s burden of disease, anxiety, fears ,expectations, uncertainty on one side and I balance it with my knowledge, experience, wisdom , advice and guiding them in the right direction . That’s my only job and that way I don’t get lost . You see we are probably one species of overburdened ,misunderstood, misquoted empathetic human beings who are expected to deliver every time , not falter or give up. Gradually from silence and constant accusations emerges our hurt , anger, callousness and insensitivity. That’s burden that’s the toughest to carry not the load. But then there are many great moments too. When people recognize me out of the blue in a grocery store or in a mall who have gotten well, saved , preserved , alive thanking me, especially the poor ones I am so touched. Kind words, an appreciation , those wet eyes, warm handshakes and the unsaid is my real reward. I get paid with gratitude and goodwill and that’s the richest treasure.
Are you poor like Kallu ?
Not exactly but I meet my needs too by toiling hard. You see either you can serve or make money . Many times it gets mixed up for me too . Not being valued for what I deliver just like the wicked contractor you mentioned and it hurts . Like everyone I have my needs and I do need those “Chaara” moments . But I am content and find my happiness in my values, service and the gratitude that I receive. Do you know what is the best feeling after a heavy day’s work ? He kept quiet not trying to interrupt me.To return home like Kallu riding on your back singing aloud after a meaningful day, load delivered. A task well done . I cherish those moments even if my knees ,shoulders ,back hurt standing for long hours but it’s a part of what I have bargained my value for. The moment I put some food in my belly, unwind, bray like you in the bathroom , dance, paint ,cook , act stupid , crack some jokes and become childlike I find myself back in bliss too. I have to make an effort to drop that garb of serious white collared professional every time to experience that . I am learning not to take myself so seriously all the time. We all need to unload and relieve our burden that break our back from time to time. Just enjoy those moments away from the sickness of everybody, grieving , nonsensical availability and enjoy that health, joy and peace all around. Those moments when I can just connect to the grass, the sky and feel the air in my nostrils and the dew drops.
I know how that feels . Indescribable. So what stops you ?
Actually no one, just my choices . Just the way I have conditioned myself to think , behave and live . I live so much in fulfilling everyone’s expectation off me. I also foolishly believe to be God sometimes. Caught in between work and doing all the time. Never resting my aching body and constantly engaged logical mind bent for solutions. Still I feel I do not do enough. I so just need to be and not become someone. Pursue the passions and desires of my life. Just live. So do you want to run away like me away from Kallu ? Does he treat you well?
It was my turn to ask him questions this time.
Where to ? To whom ? What’s the point ? There is no running only to fall in the trap of my next master. Somebody has to govern a gadha like me. I do not question Kallu. He is my master and some days are just not his days either. Many times he is angry with himself or the world around him . Those days he is pretty mean to me .I listen to all the swearing and bear his hurting me on my back. Then there are good days. So I do not take it personally. I just accept the way it is and hope tomorrow will be a better day. His voice was different now as if almost choky but this time I perfectly understood.
We both carried the wisdom of letting go of the days beyond our control and accept as is . Who said donkeys were stupid ? He was far more intelligent . You know what let me share with you a secret that not many people know ? A donkey never forgets .We have the sharpest memories. And we are obstinate when we have to be but not a rebel ! Really ! Yes seriously if pushed I will give you a Dullati that you will remember for life. But I am a good quiet , hard -working , low maintenance non grumbling patient companion. Not many see me that way . They take my resilience as my weakness. Sometimes Kallu ties my two legs as if I will run away . I am my master’s servant. Do you know the mighty king Ravana used to ride a chariot which had donkeys and even Acharya Chanakya has mentioned me when talking about good traits. They were wise men to realize my worthiness.
Oh I did not know that !
Go find out as he started chewing a little faster .He had located my office assistant who had now returned sweaty and clearly in distress with a big stack of papers exclaiming “Mam ! Please change your C.A. khud to gadhe jaisa kaam karte hi hain mera bhi subah se gadha bana ke rakha hain” .
I felt sorry for his state and sighed as that meant I could leave. I looked at my clever companion who was clearly listening silently at the verbal exchange between us as if saying that we both got a donkey’s life but the good part is that he knew.
