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“Sarvagunasampanna” is the blessing that we enter in the world with and reminded again at the moment we are held upside down , tapped to breathe and cry .Later we assume the erect posture with heads over our shoulders and earth beneath our feet . We cover miles in life with the blessing so easily forgotten.I always felt that I was also a fully loaded version , but unwilling to accept.
Why ? What a ridiculous question?
No one said so. Simple.
So I stopped believing in this completely till I heard Vidya Balan’s dialogue today morning on radio
“ Ki jab amazing ho sakti hoon to normal kyon rahoon ?
What a powerful statement !
It shook me from my own slumber of simplicity, mediocrity and averageness . I needed an actress portraying someone amazingly good at Mathematics to believe that . At least Shakuntla Devi was right in her calculations about herself. That’s some confidence! Our world is so full of role models where we just are trained to be like someone else always . Daddy-mummy , Dada , that business tycoon , that topper , that Google package , that sportsperson , that model , that politician an endless list of people to emulate .
Nobody wants to be me. Not even me.
Someone who isn’t measured against any scale of achievers. Just the ordinary amazing me. We like it simple so we make the world simpler. Disowning our own talents and abilities hiding in our own safe corners sitting and sulking while we allow the world to define us and limit us . The labels that we allow people to brand us with without minimal resistance. I have done it in my life too , staying stuck and complaining . Typical poor me syndrome! If I have defined myself poor than can I be ever rich ? Rich not literally ….Richie Rich types full of life around those priceless moments which I miss in the pursuit which leads me nowhere to myself.
It must have been the experience in the birth canal I was entrapped in for many hours .My mother wanted to see the end of cricket match while she went into labor . While I lay there waiting to be born the first question my mother asked immediately after delivery was if the whole team was out ? The doctor replied calmly, “ Yes, the team is out and the baby is also out! “. Recently she revealed that the guy who was supposed to hang me upside down and anoint me with that blessing happened to be an Orthopedic surgeon . No wonder I have had it rough and I could never like cricket!
Had it not been for Vidya Balan’s awakening statement , “Self- sabotage “ would have been be my most guarded secret mission ever. The critique in me is always feeding me more of my own unworthiness while I struggle to be amazing . Every time a surge of opportunities arrive I look start looking in other direction thinking is it for me ? Are you sure ? You really think I am worth it ? Pucca na. But I won’t be able to do it etc. etc. etc. Then I defuse myself some more from the atom bomb God has designed me to be. I would rather be that Fussi green bomb, the one kids burn at Diwali which is safe, harmless, less noisy, environmentally friendly, people’s person .Nice and sweet.
Not anymore as someone started speaking today loud and clear.
How many more exams to pass and degrees to gather before you can say you are amazing? Have you even Xeroxed them off late ?
How many more fellowships and skill workshops to attend before you can be happy in that amazing job that would satisfy you?
How many more variety of surgeries you want to learn and do to convince yourself off your amazing hands at surgery and are well trained ?
How many more lectures to deliver to feel confident about your amazing teaching and your public speaking skills ?
How many more zeros to add in your savings account and current account of the establishments that you own to tell yourself that you are amazingly abundant?
How many more posts / stories/ books to write before you convince yourself that you have amazing writing skills?
How many more likes /comments do you need on your social media to feel amazingly loved and appreciated?
How many more makeovers and dress rehearsals to convince yourself that you are amazingly beautiful the way you are?
How much more work will you need to do to prove to the wonderful workaholic world that you are amazing at slogging like everyone else ?
How much more validation do you seek from others before believing that you are amazingly blessed with many talents and capabilities?
How many more new friends , acquaintances and contacts will you make know before you feel amazingly supported?
How many times to run on the treadmill and how many more steps and calories to burn before you feel amazingly fit , healthy and vibrant?
How many more selfies will you click before you can learn to appreciate your amazing self ?
How many dishes will you make to be amazed at your own cooking skills?
How much more resentment and hurt will you to take in relationships that reject you before you tell yourself that I am amazingly lovable ?
How many times to keep apologizing for things that happen before realizing that you are amazing at forgiving and letting go?
How many times will you make a switch and shift in all your assigned roles before accepting that you are amazing in balancing , holding , navigating and moving on?
How many times will you die in shitty suffocating experiences before you claim the right to an amazing life?
How many times to wear gloom on your sleeve before you say Enough is enough and that you can be amazingly happy over small things?
How much more growth you need to believe that you are amazingly done already ?
I asked the voice to stop. It was getting unbearable. It was my voice, that inner voice which the critique in me always suppressed and wouldn’t let me hear. The world called me amazing at its own terms. There were times when I just needed to feel amazing even if I did nothing to prove it. Amazing as I was born “ Sarvagunasampanna and as I am evolving Vidya ji appeared in my blurry vision in broad daylight saying add one more to that …Sampoorna (complete) and repeat till you believe.
I am who I am. Amazing as it is ! And so be it !
